So, um, yeah. I've been busy, but I have also been very depressed. I'm having a really hard time putting this into words. It is my nature to minimize the negatives in my life. My depression came from many sources that worked together to create a "stew" of negativity. It expressed itself in a number of ways. One of the worst ways my depression expressed itself was with a lot of codependent behaviors. I do believe that to be a woman in our society is to be codependent to some degree, but I was way over on the unhealthy side of the spectrum!
I grew up with a mom who was schizophrenic and I've mentioned before that Earl is bipolar. As a child I learned to be "she who is never a problem" as a coping device. Obviously, it was a lie. Every child is a problem sometimes- it's their job! But I found it better (and sometimes safer) to be as perfect as possible. I did learn as an adult to leave many of these behaviors behind, but under stress, they come rushing to the front again. One of the worst of these is the denial of my own needs.
So...I have been getting help! Yay! I see a therapist once a month, I attend a women's group at my health care provider's once a week and I've been reading some good materials. I've really been enjoying this book. I am feeling healthier and I'm working on identifying and meeting my needs. Ironically, one of my greatest needs is the craft blogging community! I hope that as I work on rebuilding these friendships, I will be welcomed in. My heart and hands are full of the need to create and to share!