Thursday, April 26, 2007

I Sure Have Missed This Place.

So, um, yeah. I've been busy, but I have also been very depressed. I'm having a really hard time putting this into words. It is my nature to minimize the negatives in my life. My depression came from many sources that worked together to create a "stew" of negativity. It expressed itself in a number of ways. One of the worst ways my depression expressed itself was with a lot of codependent behaviors. I do believe that to be a woman in our society is to be codependent to some degree, but I was way over on the unhealthy side of the spectrum!

I grew up with a mom who was schizophrenic and I've mentioned before that Earl is bipolar. As a child I learned to be "she who is never a problem" as a coping device. Obviously, it was a lie. Every child is a problem sometimes- it's their job! But I found it better (and sometimes safer) to be as perfect as possible. I did learn as an adult to leave many of these behaviors behind, but under stress, they come rushing to the front again. One of the worst of these is the denial of my own needs.

So...I have been getting help! Yay! I see a therapist once a month, I attend a women's group at my health care provider's once a week and I've been reading some good materials. I've really been enjoying this book. I am feeling healthier and I'm working on identifying and meeting my needs. Ironically, one of my greatest needs is the craft blogging community! I hope that as I work on rebuilding these friendships, I will be welcomed in. My heart and hands are full of the need to create and to share!

6 friends said....:

  1. Hello :-) I found you! (honestly that is REALLY clever for me! LOL)I can't guarentee I could do it again though LOL. I just wanted to say that I understand some of what you are suffering. Of course everybody is unique and nobody can know your suffering completely but I have had manic depression for the last 21 years, I have been co-dependant and I grew up with an alcoholic father. I won't go into it all here (and it's VERY late in the U.K) but if you ever want to talk just mail me. Take care of yourself whatever you choose. I'm thinking of you!

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  2. I'm sorry to hear you're having a difficult time right now. Please consider this note a big hug from me!!

    I totally understand where you're coming from. Definitely dive into some fun projects! I'm positive crafting released endorphins!

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  3. Bettsi, dear, I can totally relate to everything you wrote. For many of us who had to be the parent to our own parent(s), it can take some time to learn how to take care of ourselves, too.

    I'm glad that you are building a support system for yourself because I am sure that you have been, and will continue to be, a great support to those you love (but without denying your own needs).

    I'm not a blogger but I believe that you most certainly will always be welcome anywhere because you are such a kind, compassionate, funny and talented person.

    Josephine

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  4. Hi Bettsi, I'm so glad that you're taking time to take care of yourself. It's so important! And I feel the same way about the craftblog 'verse, it's a great connection to others. Can't wait to see what you have up your sleeve!

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  5. I would love to have you back reading Little Woolgatherings :-)

    Thanks for including the link to the book in your post. I come from a family where depression and mental instability run rampant, and I could identify with a lot of what you said.

    I'm glad to know that you are now finding a way to cope, and I hope that things continue to improve for you :-)

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  6. Oh, my gosh! I just clicked on the link for the book. Bettsi, that book changed my life about 20 years ago and I have recommended it and even given it to various people since then. In fact, I gave a copy to a painter/handyman at my brother's house last year. Josephine

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Thank you so much for taking the time to comment!